Abominable (2006)

Spread the weird


DIRECTOR– Edward Bernds

REVIEW– Bigfoot is real.

The debate is over. Finished. Kaput. Done.

There may only be vague casts of plaster in the rough shape of something that resembles a foot. There may only be extremely blurry photographs of blobby things out in the woods. There may only be one 50-year-old video. There may be no DNA evidence. There may be no skeletal evidence.

But I’m pretty sure that my well-documented accurate reasoning based on nearly 6 years I spent in high school is much more reliable than all those so-called “facts”. One day, while I’m out enjoying a burnt marshmallow by a campfire, I’ll look up and see a giant hairy Sasquatch asking for a bite.

How cool would that be?!? I’m just sitting there… got my chocolate and graham cracker in hand… and a squatch walks up. He whimpers and makes an “I’m hungry” gesture. I take a look at my perfectly prepared s’more in my hand, say “what the heck”, and hand it to him. He eats it in one bite and smiles back at me. We spend the night laughing and sharing good fellowship through non-verbal communication.

That’d be cool. And if it’s cool, then screw you, scientists! And screw your research aimed at trying to rain on my Bigfoot parade!

Bigfoot is real.

As for the movie Abominable, I’m pretty sure it was made by these fancy-school-learned “experts”. Just a bunch of science propaganda, if you ask me! It does not portray Bigfoot in a good way. They make up some preposterous story about how Sasquatch goes on a rampage killing teenage campers. Campers just trying to have some fun. He kidnaps girls, rips them in half, and bites their heads off.


They did get one thing correct though… They made Bigfoot the look exactly like crazy-eyed character actor Jack Elam. All Bigfoots are the spittin’ image of Mr. Jack Elam. Fact. Look it up.

The film is quite entertaining… if you can overlook the absurd portrayal of Bigfoot behavior depicted by these Hollywood scientists, while blindly omitting the truth…

Bigfoot is real… and he likes marshmallows.

Despite being in a state of emergency, Carl’s mustache declared independence from the top of his head.