Bail Out (1989)

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DIRECTOR– Max Kleven

REVIEW– There have been some truly talented male/female pairings in Hollywood… Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall… Spencer Tracy & Katherine Hepburn… Clark Gable & Lana Turner…

Well, you can add another couple to that list:

David Hasselhoff & Linda Blair!

Watch out Lucy & Desi… here comes The Hoff and his lady-friend!

This is an action-packed, explosion-filled, jungle-based adventure extravaganza not seen since that Three’s Company episode where Jack, Chrissy, Janet, Larry, Mr. Furley, and Lana go camping!

It also sports classic examples of “eye-acting”. You know what I’m talking about… let’s say Linda Blair is tied up with a gag in her mouth and, let’s say, David Hasselhoff bursts into the room to save her. But, let’s also say, David Hasselhoff doesn’t see the bad guy just around the corner… Linda Blair breaks out the “eye-acting” and tries to tell The Hoff, using just her eyes, that he’s about to be ambushed by that bad guy. For about one minute of screen time, we get to see an actress in the prime of her career jiggle her eyes back and forth, shimmy her eye-brows up and down, and generally look like she’s doing a ridiculously poor “Marty Feldman Having A Stroke” impersonation… all the while confusing poor David Hasselhoff.

But they don’t stop there… there’s the “Please Don’t Let The Bad Guys Know You Recognize Me” eye-acting! Or the “Somebody Help Me, I’ve Just Been Kidnapped And Thrown In The Back Of A Van” eye-acting! Or even the “I’ll Play Along With The Head Bad Guy, But I’m Really Just Looking For An Escape” eye-acting! It’s an eye-acting clinic!

I’m pretty sure Juilliard devotes a whole semester to the subject.

But let’s not forget The Hoff, who manages to spend the entire first half of the movie pretending he’s the lone white member of Run-DMC with one of those bad, neon-colored tennis/track-suits from the 80s…

LL Cool Hoff

…with his pants pulled up entirely too high.

Originally titled WB, Blue and the Bean, the name was changed to Bail Out… presumably because they didn’t want it to be confused with BJ and the Bear… a hit television show from the decade before about a monkey named Bear and a guy named BJ (actually, I’m just guessing at that).

Anyway… considering this film’s critical and financial impact, I’m surprised that Hollywood did not team up David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair for more film magic. Although, I’m hearing a Hasselhoff/Blair remake of Gone With The Wind is in the works.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed!

To avoid confusion, Mr. Hasselhoff had directions printed on his car’s seats.