Deadly Embrace (1989)

Spread the weird

RATING– ★★½

DIRECTOR– David DeCoteau (as Ellen Cabot)

PLOT– Chris Thompson has been called down to the police station to smoke 8 packs of cigarettes… Oh, and answer why two murder victims were found in a house he was working as a caretaker.

It’s a long story… that started when Chris accepted a summer job as a houseboy for a lonely housewife named Charlotte…

Chris’ girlfriend Michelle doesn’t seem to mind at all… and that’s probably not too smart.

While Chris and Charlotte are busy slathering each other in slippery cream, Charlotte’s husband Stewart is busy trying to figure out how to divorce Charlotte so he can enjoy his own affair…

What no one knows is that Charlotte has a secret… a seriously sexually demented secret… she likes to secretly film folks in her guest room while they do various pleasurable activities…

But just watching through a one-way mirror isn’t enough for Charlotte. One day, after Chris soaks himself with a garden hose, Charlotte decides to make her move… Chris and Charlotte make their own pleasurable activity that night… and Charlottle films it!

The next day, Michelle calls. Chris invites her to the house… much to the displeasure of an extremely jealous Charlotte… and when Michelle arrives, Charlotte greets her with a cold welcome.

Michelle and Chris spend the day soaking up the sun by the pool… and the night soaking up each other in bed… and Charlotte films it!

Charlotte has had enough… she wants pimply-faced teen Chris all for herself. She sends Chris to town for a few supplies and, while he’s gone, ties up Michelle in the basement.

When Chris returns, he finally figures out Charlotte’s whole plan and confronts her. She pulls out a gun… and manages to shoot herself and her husband, who just happens to show up at that moment.

Chris rescues Michelle from the basement, but she doesn’t forgive him for his philandering ways.

That’s the story… and the police are satisfied.

They smoke 8 more packs of cigarettes.

3 THINGS WE LEARNED

  1. Most of your local police department budget goes towards cigarettes
  2. Nothing is sexier to a rich woman than a pudgy, pimply, teenager fishing leaves out of the pool
  3. I’m not the only one who thinks Jan-Micheal Vincent is a bastard that needs to be shot

REVIEW– Oh boy…

Deadly Embrace is awful. Just awful.

But two, and only two, things save this film… Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer.

The director David DeCoteau (credited as Ellen Cabot) somehow convinced these two to be in this film… and then somehow convinced them to take off all their clothes… and then somehow convinced them to keep their clothes off for the majority of the film!

Amazing!

Neither Ms. Quigley nor Ms. Bauer is an actress (at least not in the sense of portraying a believable character in a movie), but they are very very good at what they do… and that’s supplying eye-candy with a feeling as something a little bit more than gratuitous.

Mind you, it is “gratuitous” in every sense of the word… but those two seem to have so much fun doing it, that you’re bound to feel more than just titillated.

You know… I guess that is acting. I guess I haven’t been giving Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer enough credit. They are actresses… maybe not “Meryl Streep” actresses, but actresses nonetheless.

Anyway, see this movie for sure if you’re a fan of either of those two… you won’t be disappointed.

If you aren’t a fan, I’m betting this movie will jump to the top of your Worst Movie I Ever Saw list.


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