Deadly Trigger (1985)

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RATING– ✮✮✮✮½


REVIEWDeadly Trigger is a masterpiece. A hidden achievement buried on a VHS tape at the back of someone’s storage unit. 

It was also released under the title Deadly Twins presumably because it stars the Landers Sisters. The fact that they are not twins doesn’t seem to get in the way of the one (and only one) time director Joe Oaks… nor does any other piece of common sense. 

But as the old saying goes “the star that burns brightest, also burns the fastest”. 

Director Joe Oaks never went on to do anything else. Nothing at all. Which is sad for folks like me. His acumen for dialogue, for plot, for coaxing nuance of character depth from his stars… well, it’s not present. He seems to lack in every quality that would make a director. 

But, by golly, he made such a fantastically horrible movie, I sure do wish he’d persevered and helmed a few other train wrecks. Unfortunately, now one can only imagine what heights of cinematic strangeness he would’ve achieved. 

Mr. Oaks managed to get a nonsensical script, two of the dullest stars, give them inane dialogue, and film them doing grade school play stunts… and then get the result distributed to movie theaters. 

There’s a “death by car wash” scene, for god’s sake. Some poor extra gets foam-soaped, rinsed, and waxed to death! 

But when it all comes together, boy is it something wondrous… Something to be celebrated… Something fancy and delicious… Like a giant grotesque Landers Sisters sundae with a cherry on top. 

Ms. Audrey Landers is the true star of this film. Her sister Judy manages to get star billing even though for roughly two-thirds of the movie she is unconscious. In her defense, for two-thirds of the movie Audrey isn’t unconscious, but you might not notice the difference. Once again, Director Joe Oaks seems to have decided that every character in the film should sound near-catatonic and deliver lines in the most awkward intonation possible. Love scenes become embarrassingly clumsy… but hilariously inept. Action scenes present about as much drama as an episode of The Brady Bunch

Forget all the criticism I’ve just leveled at this film. Go put on a biohazard suit and get to digging in the dark, disgusting recesses of your aunt’s garage for her copy of Deadly Trigger

You’ll thank me when you find it!

Along with Bigfoot and UFOs, the government is hiding the existence of 2 more Landers sisters.