Hospital Massacre (1981)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮

DIRECTOR– Boaz Davidson

PLOT– A young woman (Barbi Benton) visits the world’s worst hospital for a simple checkup. Little does she know, the boy who she made fun of years earlier is now a maladjusted doctor in residence at the hospital. Things don’t go as planned for the young woman as the visit spirals out of her control.

5 REASONS TO WATCH

  1. obscene phone call breathing
  2. smoking in hospitals
  3. latex
  4. naps in a BMW
  5. inappropriate physical exams

REVIEW– So, just one question: How in the hell is that possible?!

Let me explain my bewilderment…

Barbi Benton’s boyfriend drives her to the hospital. He parks right out front of the main entrance and asks her how long it will be. She answers “…a couple of minutes”.

So he does what any good boyfriend would do, he takes a nap… right there, in his car… right out in front of the main entrance… with dozens of people coming and going and cars zooming by. He doesn’t accompany her inside and wait as she gets her results. He doesn’t visit the gift shop and buy her some flowers. He doesn’t grab a cup of coffee and a muffin from the cafeteria. Nope. He naps.

And then keeps on napping.

Inside, Barbi is going through scene after scene after bloody scene of depraved hospitality. Yet, somehow he naps for hours… right out in front of the main entrance with dozens of people coming and going and cars zooming by… next to his rolled-down window. Where’s his girlfriend? He doesn’t care. Nope. He naps. And naps some more. Hours of napping. HOURS. Hours of people walking by. In and out. Hours of cars zooming by. Next to his open window. Yet he naps. And naps. And naps some more. Nothing wakes this dude up.

Hours of a missing girlfriend. Hours of people going by his window. Hours of cars driving back and forth all around him.

And still he naps.

So tell me, Mr. Director… How in the hell is that possible?!

There’s nothing sexier than having a gall stone removed.

FUN FACT– Barbi Benton has had a varied career both in front of and behind the camera. A well-publicized relationship with Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner lead to Ms. Benton not only finding but also convincing Hugh to purchase the now famous Playboy Mansion. She also had a recurring role in our favorite TV show to watch while eating Cheez-it’s… Hee Haw.

Having put out six albums, Barbi’s an accomplished vocalist as well. Her special Barbi Doll For Christmas featured country music artists (as well as herself) performing some holiday cheer.

However, our favorite obscure Barbi Benton venture has to be the 1982 television special Dean Martin at the Wild Animal Park. Guest stars included Dom DeLuise, Jerry Reed, Ruth Buzzi, Shirley Jones, and of course Barbi Benton. In her segment, the great Deano holds Ms. Benton in his arms as they sing a duet in front of a lake of floating swans. A jealous cockatoo looks on in bewilderment.

That’s Amoré!

Deano rides a camel.