Iron Eagle III: Aces (1992)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮½

DIRECTOR– John Glen

PLOT– A pilot friend of a WWII air dogfight recreation traveling show is murdered when he discovers Columbian cocaine from Peru is being smuggled into the US on Air Force planes. Four WWII veteran pilots, a Peruvian fitness competitor (Rachel McLish) and an LA gang member (Phill Lewis) band together to stop a former Nazi turned drug kingpin (Paul Freeman) from destroying American youth.

5 REASONS TO WATCH

  1. dinner with WWII stereotypes
  2. prisoners with outrageously erect nipples
  3. looters with a heart of gold
  4. Heavy Homeboys From The Hood
  5. hero’s in sensible dresses

REVIEW– Rachel McLish and her permanently erect nipples star in Iron Eagle 3. I suppose the casting director really just wanted her nipples but found out you can’t book one without the other. So they gave Rachel some lines.

They probably shouldn’t have.

She supposedly plays a Peruvian native (her Peruvian accent needs a little work) who suddenly, at the end of the film, acquires amazing combat skills and becomes a special forces guerrilla warfare expert. She doesn’t really pull off anything convincingly.

Anyways, the movie is really just a souped-up episode of The A-Team (which is a good thing). There’s a team of old guys helping out some Spanish speaking villagers from a nondescript Latin American country. They even threw in a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air inspired black dude and some rap references for the kids to roll their eyes at.

All of the veteran pilots (one each of German, Japanese, British, and American) are silly caricatures and call each other “Jerry” and “Yank”. But it’s all good fun. The bad German in the movie is played expertly by Paul Freeman… who played the bad German archeologist in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He’s in far too little of the movie.

Lou Gossett Jr. reprises his role as ‘Chappy’ Sinclair. He soldiers on and turns in a requisite performance, however, you can see the signs of the part wearing thin for him (he went on to make one more Iron Eagle movie).

There’s a fair amount of explosions and aerial dog-fights (which look exceptionally fake). The bad guys get it in the end just like you’d expect and Rachel McLish and her wildly erect nipples live happily ever after. Yay.

FUN FACT– Rachel McLish plays Anna in Iron Eagle 3. It was her first starring role in a film. She was more famous at that time as a legendary bodybuilder. She was the first Ms. Olympia and brought the sport of women’s competitive bodybuilding into the limelight. According to a 2001 Muscle & Fitness article, “Rachel redefined the rules of the feminine physique.”

Ms. McLish could curl 90lbs. Her nipples… 130lbs.