Lords of the Deep (1989)

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RATING– ½

DIRECTOR– Mary Ann Fisher

PLOT– An underwater scientist makes a life-changing discovery (that she never explains). The evil corporation she works for decides to exploit it for greedy purposes (that they never explain). The aliens just want peace between the species, so they go on a killing spree (why?… not explained).

5 REASONS TO WATCH

  1. Metallic yogurt
  2. Telepathic blondes
  3. Alexa voice command (beta version)
  4. Scientific onesies
  5. Evil middle management

REVIEW– The extremely true backstory of Lords of the Deep:

Roger Corman, the long-time producer of B-movies, picks up his telephone and calls his personal assistant Dan…

Corman: “Dan, I heard Jim Cameron is making a movie.”

Dan: “Oh great! I loved Aliens!”

Corman: “I have a great idea for a movie, too.”

Dan: “Awesome! What’s it about?”

Corman: “I want you to find out what Jim Cameron’s movie is about.”

Dan: “…..uh…..”

Corman: “Don’t worry, we’ll change a name or two, beat him to the theaters by a couple of months. People will think he is copying me!”

Dan: “…..uh…..”

Roger hung up the phone that day with a satisfied smile beaming across his face.

As it turned out, Roger Corman’s plan worked out perfectly. His undersea epic came out before Cameron’s The Abyss. The audience loved Lords of the Deep and it became the runaway mega-blockbuster hit of the summer of 1989. Everyone quickly forgot about James Cameron. Roger Corman was crowned “King of Hollywood” and went on to make the box-office mega-hits Titanic and Avatar.

100% true. Look it up.

But Mr. Corman didn’t stop there. Heres a list of his many other original ideas (that he came up with after seeing somebody else’s idea):

  • saw Michael Jackson… invented the “Moon Stumble”
  • saw Polio vaccine… invented “Polio Lip Balm”
  • saw Girl Scout Cookie Tag-A-Long… invented cookie “Pesky Nuisance”
  • saw the Amazing Ginsu Knives… invented “Amazing Ginsu Paper Clips”
  • saw the belt… invented “3 Feet of Rope”

It’s Roger Corman’s world and we all just live in it.

Betty did not think they took her seriously when she said: “I’d trade my right leg for some pastel accents in my bedroom.” But they did.