Night Killer (1990)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮✮✮

DIRECTOR– Claudio Fragasso

PLOT– A masked killer with terrible laryngitis is terrorizing Virginia Beach, Virginia.

The killer hears about a community theatre musical production and kills the choreographer after realizing she is a terrible person.

Not satisfied with murdering a struggling thespian, he soon targets a housewife named Melanie Beck. It seems that Melanie likes to fondle her own breasts in front of a window. After he makes a lurid call to her promising to kill her, she calls the police. Their plan is to call her back in 5 minutes… because the best way to stop a murderous stalker is to tie up a phone line, I guess…

Melanie is so overcome with distress from the phone call, the decides to go to a local hotel to use the restroom. There, she runs into a stalker whom she has strip and flush his clothes down the toilet.

She then flees to the beach to commit suicide by taking all her medication.

The stalker catches up to her again and forces her to drink sea-water, kidnaps her, and buys her Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Meanwhile, the killer has struck again… this time he’s picked out a hooker that likes nursery rhymes and a marine-biologist that goes above and beyond for her fish.

A doctor that loves the media and a cop that just wants to do his job get involved. Why? Who the hell knows.

The woman soon escapes from her kidnapper… but is immediately kidnapped again by the masked killer.

She stabs him in the penis. He screams and gets shot.

Melanie is rescued by her former kidnapper. They kiss.

Roll credits…

3 THINGS WE LEARNED

  1. Massage and caress your own nipples as you repeat daily self-affirmations in a mirror
  2. It’s okay to announce you were molested in the little boys’ room while running through a hotel lobby in your baby-blue underwear
  3. If you kidnap someone, be sure to sing a little song to them about KFC’s fried chicken and french fries extra value meal

REVIEW– Wow… just wow.

Night Killer is a B-movie masterpiece.

I want to scream out “Why haven’t I seen this movie before??!” but, in reality, I know why…

There are just too many B-movies out there.

Sometimes films get lost, forgotten, or for unknown reasons, ignored. They shouldn’t be… but, sadly, they are sometimes.

Well, if I have any say in it, Night Killer will be ignored no more.

Night Killer is a movie that makes no sense whatsoever. How it got made was a mystery… until I did a little digging.

So, for the first time ever in print, here’s the 100% true & factual story of how the film Night Killer was made…

Somewhere between the planets Uranus and Neptune, another completely unknown planet named Klaktron circles our Sun. On that planet, besides a race of plants that walk and drink blood, there lives a peaceful race of purple-tentacled blobs that love hour-long melodrama.

So back here on earth, we produced and broadcasted some episodes of Dragnet and Kolchak: The Night Stalker. Those television electromagnetic waves traveled across the planet… and out into space.

Years later they arrived at planet Kraktron.

Well, those purple-tentacled blobs loved those TV shows. They didn’t understand anything that was going on, but they loved it.

So they decided to make one of their own.

They hired Gork to write the script. Gork had watched all the episodes and, although he did not understand a lick of English nor understand how Earthlings interact with each other, the Klaktron’ites considered him to be an authority.

Having no film or sound recording equipment, the Klaktron’ites traveled to Earth, hired some actors and crew to make their movie, and voilà… Night Killer was born.

We have Gork from the planet Kraktron to thank for this movie.

That is 100% true.


Dennis realized too late that today was indeed a heavy flow day.