Promises! Promises! (1963)

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RATING– ✮½

DIRECTOR– King Donovan

PLOT– A couple that desperately wants to have a baby take a cruise. The ship’s doctor prescribes aspirin and romantic dinners. Unfortunately, they accidentally swap spouses with the couple in the cabin next door to them and now nobody knows who’s pregnant, who’s the father, or who’s going to take their shirt off first.

5 REASONS TO WATCH

  1. Jayne Mansfield taking a bath
  2. Jayne Mansfield taking a bath
  3. Jayne Mansfield taking a bath
  4. Jayne Mansfield taking a bath
  5. (there’s really no other reason to watch… and the producers knew it)

REVIEW– Have you ever watched one of those Doris Day/Rock Hudson romantic comedies and thought to yourself “This movie needs to be way less funny”?

(Let’s face it, if you’re a fan of this site, you’ve probably never seen a Doris Day film… she ran in different circles than Faulty Flicks is accustomed to)

Promises Promises! could be described as a romantic comedy. However, it’s not funny and you never once believe the couples in the film feel anything for each other.

I suppose the main problem with the film is that it stars Jayne Mansfield and her real-life body-building husband Mickey Hargitay… both of who are famous for their enormous chests, not their acting chops. Mr. Hargitay brings as much sincerity to his role as a 1st grader forced to play a turkey at an elementary school Thanksgiving play while possessing as much screen presence as a bowl of warm coleslaw. Ms. Mansfield, well… she certainly has presence, mainly in one of the 3 scenes she goes topless (which the filmmakers conveniently manage to replay about once every 15 minutes).

However, the filmmakers didn’t seem content with multiples bathing scenes.

Nope.

They gave her not just one song but two.

Here’s a not-so-unexpected news flash: Jayne Mansfield can’t sing. She certainly had the ability to sell loads of copies of Playboy Magazine… but she’ll never be confused with Aretha Franklin.

Besides the ill-conceived songs, the scenes in Promises! Promises! mainly consist of wacky skits, one-liners, and some minor cross-dressing. The film may have worked as an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show (albeit a very racy one… Rob and Laura Petrie didn’t even sleep in the same bed) but at feature-length, it’s a cheap repetitive mess.

The film also stars Tommy Noonan and Marie McDonald. Both of whom had decent careers before this film and both, along with Jayne Mansfield, would end up dead less than 4 years after this film was released. A sad footnote to a pretty sad movie.


Larry made story-time as creepy as possible.