Queen of Outer Space (1958)

Spread the weird


DIRECTOR– Edward Bernds

REVIEW– All of our leading scientists assured us that the planet Venus was uninhabited… that the green-house effect had run wild there and had made the atmosphere toxic. The temperature on the surface, our scientists have asserted, is so hot it would melt lead. 

Turns out… all our scientists were wrong! 

Venus is inhabited, the atmosphere isn’t toxic, and the temperature is only hot enough to burn through a woman’s skirt somewhere above her knee! 

You see, Venus is inhabited by women. Only women. Only women wearing mini-skirts. 

Now, normally, I would find this a good thing. 

However, these women are a tad pee’d off at men. It seems that many years ago, the men of Venus started a nuclear war that killed off all the men and disfigured many of the women. 

That can be a problem with us men. We like big explosions… we like to blow stuff up… including ourselves. 

Women… if I may speak for all men… We’re Sorry! We don’t mean to cause Armageddon. We simply like to hear a big “boom”! Sometimes it gets a little carried away, but we can’t help ourselves… we’re men! Once, many years ago, I was in charge of props for a play. The play called for a small flash of smoke. The director told me to use a quarter teaspoon of black powder wrapped in some flash paper… 

…and for the FIRST performance, I did. However, I’m a man… and if a quarter teaspoon of black-powder is good… then 2 tablespoons of black powder are better! 

To make a long story short, I unleashed Dante’s Inferno onto the stage that night… and sent a girl to the hospital (her pantyhose melted to her leg). She recovered and I was quickly relieved of my bomb-making duties.

Did I feel bad? You bet I did!… Would I ever do it again? Probably! 

I’m a man! I’m sorry

On a planet with only women, maybe it’s not so strange that their control panel levers look a lot like weiners.