Robo Vampire (1988)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮✮½

DIRECTOR– Godfrey Ho

REVIEW– I have no clue what Robo Vampire is about.

I watched it…

Then, I watched it again… Nope… no idea whatsoever.

I’m not sure the writers, producers, director, or anyone (not under the influence of the “funny stuff”) could tell you what this movie is about.

I suppose you could say it’s a rip-off of the RoboCop films… but then, how do you explain vampires that can only move by jumping around like 6-year-olds learning the “Hokey Pokey”??!?

Well, you say, maybe it’s a vampire flick then… okay, but why are they wearing rubber gorilla masks??!?

How about a jungle adventure?… then please explain the Miami Vice ‘Crockett & Tubbs’ drug-cartel chase scenes!

Well, it’s got to be a “Robo-Dracula-Cop/Miami-Gorilla-Vice” movie, then!… Nope. You forgot the female ghost/un-dead monkey wedding ceremony about half-way through.

Yep, you read that right!

I know you’re probably putting on your fancy shorts, canceling the Tupperware party you had planned, and running out to the video store right now to rent this film, but I need to warn you… this is not a female ghost/un-dead monkey RomCom either. That little love story only takes up about 15 minutes. The other hour is filled with sparklers, gondola rides, and levitating chickens… & if that weren’t enough, how about some memorable dialogue like “If you want a cigarette, just ask for one!” or “You don’t have to be so temperamental!” or even the gripping “You should bathe more often!”.

Oh yeah, it’s that bafflingly good!

That’s supposed to be a robot… definitely not a guy wearing pot-holders painted silver… a robot.