Robowar (1988)

Spread the weird

RATING– ★★★★

DIRECTOR– Bruno Mattei (as Vincent Dawn)

PLOT– The U.S. government is at it again… They’ve built a self-aware robot soldier that has gone rogue and named it the totally original name Omega-1…

… and that dang robot looks a lot like a Goth survivalist who rides a scooter.

Mascher, the engineer who designed him, now has to find his robot and stop it from… well… the script really doesn’t say why Omega-1 is so bad… but it’s of such importance to stop Omega-1 from doing whatever he’s doing that Mascher turns to the Army’s top commando unit… they go by the acronym “BAM”. Which stands for “Bad Ass Mother F#ckers” (which is really “BAMF”, but, c’mon dude… BAMF?!??… that ain’t cool)

The seven members of BAMF are lead by Murphy Black (played by non-other than Mr. Big McLargeHuge himself Reb Brown).

They land in some unnamed jungle’y country in South America/Southeast Asia populated by mean Spanish’y/Indonesian’y guerrillas who are chasing a blonde stiff-nippled nurse named Virgin…

… yep… she’s named Virgin… not a huge surprised from an Italian director.

Anyways, Black screams a lot and then decides to rescue the nurse by having the BAMF team unload about 4000 rounds of ammo into about six guerrillas.

Virgin tells Black about how the guerrillas has taken everyone from her hospital hostage. Black decides to rescue them also… much to the chagrin of Mascher.

At the guerrillas camp, they are ambushed by Omega-1 which forces Mascher to admit he was the lead designer of the kooky killer scooter robot and has brought a radio device that, if close enough, will destroy Omega-1

The fight is on…

… and it’s not much of one.

Omega-1 kills Mascher and every member of BAM except for Black and his stiff-nippled nurse-friend Virgin. But the robot does manage to corner them in a house. Virgin is able to distract the Goth robot long enough for Black to blow up the house.

Unfortunately, that ain’t good enough… Omega-1 can not be destroyed except by the radio device.

As Black and Virgin wait on a beach to be rescued, Omega-1 catches up to the duo but instead of finishing them off, he removes the visor from his scooter helmet revealing himself to be Black’s old Army buddy…

Omega-1 pleads with Black to end his misery and press the radio device’s button.

Black sheds a tear… and then blows his old friend to little bits.

3 THINGS WE LEARNED

  1. Big ass mother f#ckers got nicknames cuz they’re professionals
  2. Somebody’s not truly dead until you shoot them at least 700 times
  3. When attacking the enemy, the best commandos scream & yell as much as humanly possible

REVIEWRobowar is a low, low budget Predator rip-off, plain and simple.

Heck, they even stole some lines word-for-word.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not any good… it’s actually kinda fun in parts.

First and foremost, Reb Brown is up to his usual weirdness in this flick… screaming for no reason, inserting long pauses for no reason, having absolutely zero screen presence for no reason.

But he is hilariously super-macho as a leading man.

And honestly, Predator was such a fantastic story full of interesting ideas that even a copycat film with a fraction of its budget is bound to have quite a few amusing parts.

… and it does.

It’s a gun-shootin’, grenade-launchin’, hut-explodin’, laser-pewin’, bangin’, boomin’, predator-pukin’ Italian B-movie extravaganza!


Gary learned very quickly to keep those crabs away from his family jewels.