Roller Boogie (1979)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮✮✮

DIRECTOR– Mark L. Lester

REVIEW– Thank God for Star Wars!!! 

I’ve always loved the Star Wars original trilogy, but this movie really gives a deeper meaning to that adoration. Star Wars mania swept the nation in the late ’70s. It was everywhere. Toys, posters, TV, fashion… literally, everywhere. 

And thank the Lord it was!!! 

For, if that crazy young filmmaker George Lucas hadn’t chosen the late 70’s to release that iconic film franchise, Roller Boogie would’ve been the movie that defined that period… 

…and instead of me wearing the same Star Wars t-shirt every year for my school picture, I would’ve been wearing tiny little shiny spandex shorts. My grandma would still have pictures of me in my pre-pubescent hot-shorts hanging on her walls right now. 

Thank you, sweet Jesus!!! 

Don’t get me wrong here, Roller Boogie has a positive message… If you put enough girls in tight clothes into your movie, it doesn’t matter how bad it is, it’ll get made! 

(Linda Blair must’ve gone through a crap-load of razors while making this film, ’cause those outfits are quite snug… in every area.) 

I can’t fault Ms. Blair for taking this stinky cheese-filled tortilla of a movie. She got to learn how to rollerskate to Cher disco songs. She got to go bra-less for months. She got to star in a movie with Jim Bray… Yes, that Jim Bray. The actor who went on to star in absolutely nothing else. Nothing. Ever. 

And if it wasn’t for that perky little Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in that dang slave-girl outfit, we’d all have grown up with visions of Linda skating around in gold lamé dancing in our heads. Linda Blair would’ve been the one that grew up a horribly-adjusted Hollywood brat who wrote a few tell-all books about her cocaine/vodka infused showbiz life. 

Instead, Linda was relegated to a few appearances on Battle Of The Network Stars and prison films with David Hasselhoff where her top keeps falling off. 

Well, I guess that ain’t so bad.

Barry noticed the “Gym Shorts – 5 for $10” sign and pandemonium ensued.