Skyscraper (1996)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮½

DIRECTOR– Raymond Martino

PLOT– A helicopter pilot (Anna Nicole Smith) inadvertently gets stuck inside a building taken over by criminals. When her police detective (Richard Steinmetz) husband shows up to investigate, the husband and wife duo try to thwart the gang’s elaborate plan.

6 REASONS TO WATCH

  1. thick Texas accents
  2. irresponsible helicopter taxi drivers
  3. Legolas, elf computer repairman
  4. building security guards
  5. evil Tracy Chapman
  6. crotchless Levi’s

REVIEW– Anna Nicole Smith produced Skyscraper. That’s probably why she stars in it also. Because Anna Nicole Smith should not be starring in any film. She may have had many talents in her way-too-short life, but acting probably isn’t considered one of them. The movie is a not so subtle knockoff of Die Hard… which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Except that not much happens. A bad guy repeats Shakespeare a lot. There is an inordinate amount of people in Dockers running different places. A few folks get shot. And Anna Nicole Smith exposes herself a couple of times. Then the film ends…mercifully.

FUN FACT– Anna Nicole Smith’s life is a true American tragedy. Rags to riches to remorse. It had it all. There were endless people that populated Smith’s life simply to further their careers. Sadly, this was a pattern with her. She dropped out of high school, found a billionaire boyfriend to pay for her lifestyle, bought her famous figure with that money, hooked up with man after man who used that figure for a quick profit, and finally paid the ultimate price for never realizing she was stuck in a self-degrading cycle of finding the easiest way to fame and fortune.

Ms. Smith with one of her many “care-takers”