The Astro-Zombies (1968)

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RATING– ✮✮½

DIRECTOR– Ted V. Mikels

REVIEW– I’m not sure what was going on at the CIA in the 1960s. 

They tried to topple Fidel Castro with The Bay Of Pigs… they also tried mind-controlling the hippies with LSD… and now, I’ve come to find out after watching The Astro-Zombies, they tried to send zombies to the moon with John Carradine! 

Evidently, back during the early years of the space race, there were two schools of thought: 

1) use highly trained, extremely smart astronauts to guide billion-dollar spacecraft to the moon. 

-or- 

2) use zombies. 

Thank God #1 prevailed! Or instead of Neil Armstrong’s famous “One small step for man…” as the first words from the moon, we might have had mindless groans and moans. Instead of the iconic images of Buzz Aldrin planting the American flag on the surface of the moon, we might have had aimless wandering and shouts for “Brains!”. 

But I will give credit where credit is due… at least the CIA dressed all their Astro-Zombies in smart-looking sport-jackets! 

And, interestingly enough, they also installed solar panels on all of the zombie-astronauts’ foreheads. 

The CIA was being responsible citizens of Mother Earth and invested heavily in “green” technology for their zombies. In fact, they’ve inspired me to become more environmentally accountable… the next time I create a crazed werewolf, I will only wash him with a phosphate-free shampoo derived from sustainable hemp. 

Somehow the Russians find out about this awesomely advanced American space-zombie technology and decide to send a Mexican pimp and a Russ Meyer girl to try to steal it (because everybody knows giant-bosomed girls in skin-tight dresses with huge fake eyelashes make the best spies!). 

Their plan doesn’t work… our zombie space program stays years ahead of the Russians… and we win the Cold War! 

That’s how it happened… Look it up!

Lt. Sulu made himself comfortable on Spock’s couch while waiting for the logically horny Vulcan.