The Blood of Fu Manchu (1968)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮✮½

DIRECTOR– Jesús Franco

REVIEW–  Let’s say you’re an astronomically wealthy Chinese warlord. And let’s say you have enemies all over the world, who you desperately want to kill. And let’s also say you have about 200 or so ninjas working for you. 

What would you do? 

Send out teams of ninja assassins to covertly hunt your enemies down and kill them? 

Hire mercenaries to do your dirty work for you? 
Nope. Try again. 

Open a Chinese sweat-shop factory…force your ninjas to make defective Nike sneakers…sell those Nike sneakers to your enemies…and maniacally laugh as they develop debilitating foot pain? 
Nope… But you’re getting close! 

How about moving your whole ninja posse to the jungles of South America, setting up a high-tech terrorist hide-out in the biggest cave this side of Oprah’s house, kidnap some women, infect them with a poison which kills men only when kissed, and then send them out hoping they can get funky with your enemies? 

Yep. That’s what you’d do. 

You wonder how Fu Manchu became so successful as a villain coming up with needlessly complicated schemes for world domination like that! Well, he did, nonetheless. 

But the real fun comes from the mad Oriental Fu Manchu being chased by stuffy Englishmen, Mexican bandits, corrupt government officials, a highly emotional woman who likes to dress up in kid’s cowboy hats, and an Indiana Jones look-a-like from Holland who sweats profusely. 

Needless to say, Fu Manchu’s plan fails… but not before he escapes! 

(Probably so that he may come up with an even more outrageously stupid world domination plan in the next movie!) 

“No, we don’t serve ketchup with the eggrolls.”