DIRECTOR– Robert Fuest
PLOT– The Preston famliy is cursed… cursed by the Devil himself.
According to the film, centuries ago when the Pilgrims settled Arizona, there was a group of those Pilgrims that worshipped Satan (because it gets boring being a Pilgrim… using a bunch of thine’s and thee’s and thou’s… am I right?!?). The leader of that Satanic cult, Corbis, has lost his Satanic cult how-to manual… and he suspects Martin, the patriarch of the Preston family, has stolen the book.
As Corbis is burned at the stake by the town’s priest, Corbis curses the family name until the book is returned.
Corbis, now the only resident of the Pilgrim ghost town Redstone, invites Mark Preston, the living relative of Martin, to a duel of faith.
Mark loses and is captured by Corbis and his minions.
Mark’s brother Tom is working in a nearby city as an assistant to a university professor named Dr. Sam Richards. Professor Richards likes to experiment on Tom’s wife Julie… ( ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ)
It’s good to be a doctor!
Tom and his wife, along with Prof. Richards, decide to travel to Redstone to save Tom’s brother from Corbis. They arrive just in time to see Mark take his shirt off! (oh, and his soul becomes trapped by Corbis, too)
They enter Corbis’ church and find the vessel that Corbis is using to trap the soul’s of his minions. It’s name… The Devil’s Rain.
Unfortunately, they seem to have made no plans on how to actually rescue Mark and are immediately captured before they can destroy it.
Corbis summons Satan (who looks a lot like that adorable LA Rams mascot).
Satan, instead of pumping up the fans by shooting free t-shits into the stands, decides that they must sacrifice Julie. Mark, now a soul-less minion of Satan, suddenly has an attack of conscience and decides to destroy The Devil’s Rain. He throws it into a portal to Hell.
Suddenly it starts to rain… and evidently, water is the only thing that can destroy Satan and his followers. They melt.
And melt some more.
This goes on for 12 minutes of the film’s 84 minute runtime.
But at least the good guys win, right?
Corbis is not so easily defeated.
He turns into Julie… and has a very creepily sexual hug with Tom.
And then the film ends.
Sounds like it makes no sense…? Well yeah, it makes zero sense.
3 THINGS WE LEARNED–
- The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock… and Phoenix.
- Ernest Borgnine with horns somehow doesn’t look all that strange.
- They have some seriously potent acid-rain in Arizona.
REVIEW– The Devil’s Rain claims to be a frightening flick about Beelzabub walking Earth to torture innocent souls.
The reality is that The Devil’s Rain is just a poor excuse for a film.
It certainly isn’t scary… and somehow it seems like it’s too long and too short all at the same time.
It’s basically an episode of The Twilight Zone that goes on for 84 dragging minutes. It seems like it just goes on and on and on and on…
And yet… somehow… they were unable to fit the whole story into that 1.5 hours of film…
The director just drops us into the middle of a story… like we should just know what the hell is going on.
It literally feels like the first 20 minutes of the film went missing in the editing room… and they decided to release it anyway.
The film is just too short.
And yet… somehow… they include what seems like endless minutes of people walking around the desert… and people chanting… and people melting… and melting… and melting…
It’s almost torture.
And yet… somehow… the director was unable to fit an ending into that 1.5 hours of film.
The movie just stops. No resolution to anything.
The film is somewhat saved by the over-the-top performances of William Shatner, Keenan Wynn, and Ernest Borgnine (with horns!). They make it fun.
But this flick is for devoted fans of those three only.
Otherwise, if you want to see the Devil at work, watch the Today show for a couple of hours… it’s far more terrifying.