The Doll Squad (1973)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮

DIRECTOR– Ted V. Mikels

REVIEW– The Saturn moon rocket has been destroyed by a madman. Utter destruction of a billion-dollar space program. He demands a ransom or threatens something even more devastating. 

The government’s most advanced computer system analyzes the circumstances and concludes that this is a job for The Doll Squad. They’re a crack all-female commando unit with vast experience dealing with terrorists all over the world. And although the girls fall for the old “look over there” trick to disarm them, the supercomputer assures the Defense Department they are the right choice. 

It’s readily apparent why the computer has picked these women… (One of the girls is a stripper. One of them is a karate instructor at the local YMCA. One is a librarian. One is a swim coach)… and it certainly isn’t because they claim professions that only reinforce their deadly skills. I think the U.S. Government supercomputer is a little bit of a pervert. It seems the only prowess the women really can claim is that they look good in bikinis. 

They’ve found out where the madman’s hideout is and attack… and by “attack” I mean they run around an awful lot in one-piece jumpsuits, screaming, and only occasionally get caught… okay, they get caught A LOT. (I counted four times that just the leader gets captured… in an hour and a half) 

Luckily, they have a backup plan: Blow the hideout to kingdom come with massive amounts of explosives. Why they just didn’t do that at the very start, rather than run around for 45 minutes getting caught by the bad guys at every turn, is the real mystery. 

Whatever… They’re the anti-terrorist experts, not me

During a visit to Bangkok, Ruth learned how to fire shotgun shells from her navel.