Track Of The Moon Beast (1976)

Spread the weird


DIRECTOR– Richard Ashe

REVIEWTrack Of The Moon Beast is a perfect example of the classic love story. 

Boy meets girl. Boy becomes a geologist. Geologist takes off shirt. Girl falls in love. Geologist buys motorcycle. Geologist takes girl to folk concert. Meteorite hits geologist in head. Geologist turns into dinosaur. Geologist killed by magic arrow. 

It’s a joy to see cinematic storytelling at its finest… Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t have it. 

But it does have warrior geologists, a sexually confused sheriff, terry-cloth onesies, one-armed rednecks, Andy Gibb impersonators, and ancient Indian soup recipes! 

Throw in acting not seen since the glory days of As The World Turns and you’ve got yourself a perfect storm of crappiness! 

Incredibly, if having your hero be a geologist wasn’t boring enough… they had to add a few supporting radiologists to move the story further along. Approximately 15 minutes or so of Track Of The Moon Beast’s runtime is spent in an X-ray exam room… Approximately 2 minutes into that scene, you’re already saying to yourself “Why in the hell are they still in the X-ray Exam room?!?”. 

But don’t worry. If you are able to make it through those parts, you’ll be rewarded with terrific action sequences such as digging up ancient pottery…. and engaging dialogue like “His name is Ty. Which is short for Tyrannosaurus.”…. and spectacular scenery such as Albuquerque, N.M. 

All in all, if you’re a university professor that likes his movie with a little reptilian-kink, then this is the movie for you! 

“Golly Fred… you must be really, really happy to see me!”