Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967)

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RATING– ✮✮½

DIRECTOR– Kim Ki-duk

REVIEW–   When former President Bush announced the ‘Axis Of Evil’ members included Iraq, Iran, and North Korea…well, I was a little skeptical. 

I mean, how could North Korea be included on such a notorious list when their president, Kim Jong IL, looks like a good-hearted geriatric lesbian: 

However, after watching Yongary, Monster From The Deep, it makes perfect sense! 

The Koreans are a menace… exploding nuclear bombs, inventing itch-lasers, releasing giant fire-breathing lizards (although to be fair, Japan is way ahead in the 100ft-reptiles-hell-bent-on-wrecking-perfectly-good-sets category), and kimchi… what the heck is in that stuff??!? 

Well, this time the Koreans unleash Yongary. He’s a lean mean laser-tootin’ machine who loves to get jiggy with it whenever he hears a good tune. Unfortunately, iPods just don’t come in his size and he’s a little perturbed about it! Yongary is taking it out on all of Korea! 

Luckily for the Asian nation, they’ve enlisted an 8-year old boy as a scientific/governmental advisor. And as soon as he cleans his room, he’ll be able to explain the perfect plan he’s come up with for the eradication of Yongary… (although, if he doesn’t finish his vegetables, he’s going to bed early, mister!) 

Unfortunately, the boy’s plan turns out to be one of the creepiest moments in all of B-movie-dom: As the giant Yongary lays dying a really slow agonizing death (he twitches and moans), the “heroes” of our movie explain how blameless & uncorrupted Yongary truly was and how he just happened to get in the way… Then gleefully laugh as they fly off in a helicopter… as if they’ve just watched an episode of Seinfeld, not the death of an innocent creature. Uhgggg! 

Maybe that’s another reason to despise the N. Koreans…. their utter lack of empathy! 

For an extra $5, Wang Wei will shoot gochujang sauce all over your crab rangoon.