Zombie 3 (1988)

Spread the weird

RATING– ✮✮

DIRECTOR– Lucio Fulci, Bruno Mattei, & Claudio Fragasso

REVIEW– ‘Death 1’ is a top-secret biological weapon being developed by the Filipino army. It’s so secret, they’ve taken every security precaution imaginable including assigning four soldiers with mustaches to guard it! Four! Imagine the Filipino army’s utter surprise when two guys in a mini-van are able to steal the virus simply by running up and grabbing the suitcase it’s in! 

You have to give the Filipino security forces a little slack, though. They probably couldn’t have imagined the elaborate escape plan those two guys in a mini-van came up with… running into some bushes. How are you supposed to track two guys in the bushes?!? It’s bushes for god’s sake!

Anyway, that nasty virus infects one of the guys in the mini-van, he checks into the nearest 1-star hotel, and that’s when all hell breaks loose! Well, maybe not “all” hell… but a moderate amount of hell breaks loose. Scenes of bellboys delivering room service, people vacationing in RV’s, and really pissed off birds are just a few of the examples of the “hell” you’ll see. 

The virus spreads like wildfire, infecting everyone in its path… 8 villagers, a pregnant woman, and a head in a refrigerator! 

Well, that’s pretty much everybody it infects. 

But those same 8 villagers get around, man! You find one hiding behind a door, he’s “killed”, then the next building you come to… miraculously, there he is again! This time, hiding on top of a 20-foot pillar! 

How did that little sucker get up on top of a 20-foot pillar, you may ask? 

Well, I’m guessing he got together with the other 7 zombie villagers and decided nobody would expect a zombie, who can barely walk, to jump down from a 20-foot pillar. So they went to Home Depot and bought one of those huge ladders, paid for it with bloody-goo covered cash, and limped all the way back home carrying a giant ladder (because who’s gonna be able pick up 8 hitch-hiking zombies with a massive ladder?!? Probably no one… unless one of them had a zombie friend with a big truck). Then one zombie scrambled up to the top of that pillar to wait while the other zombies hid the ladder out of sight (so they wouldn’t tip off their intended victim that a zombie was waiting on top a 20-foot pillar to pounce!). 

That’s probably what happened. Probably.

Maria’s flossing got a little out of hand that morning.